Last statement

I stumbled upon the Texas Department of Criminal Justice website through Reddit.

I browsed through the pages that had the last statements of convicts before they executed; they range from pleading innocence to repenting to praying to being funny and to so much else. I am just clueless as to what to write to say the very least..

A few of the statements in no necessary order...

Last statement:
Jennifer, where are you at? I'm sorry, I did not know the man but for a few seconds before I shot him. It was done out of fear, stupidity, and immaturity. It wasn't until I got locked up and saw the newspaper. I saw his face and his smile and I knew he was a good man. I am sorry for all your family and my disrespect - he deserved better. Sorry Gus. I hope all the best for you and your daughters. I hope you have happiness from here on out. Quit the heroin and methadone. I love you dad, Devin, and Walt. We're done Warden.

Last statement:
I do. I am sorry. I have always been sorry. It is the worst mistake that I ever made in my whole life. Not because I am here, but because of what I did and I hurt a lot of people - you, and my family. I am sorry; I have always been sorry. I am sorry. You look after each other. I love you all. Be there for one another. Alright. But I am sorry; very sorry. I love you too. Alright.

Last Statement: (only a part of)
And to the Mitchell family: I truely am sorry for the tragedy that took place on Nov 11, 85. Thats all I can give you. Thats all I will give you. Because today your making my family and loved ones a victim just as you have cried to the world you were in this tragedy. I did not deliberately shoot James Mitchell. I had no premeditation in my thoughts when I spun around and fired, no matter how many fantasy motives Clayton and Sherrod fabricated. So today my family becomes a victim. You know, the truth sets you free, and the truth is, if your loved one had acted with any professionalism at all, he would be alive today! And thats all I got to say about it.

Last statement: (only a part of)
I would like to say that I did not kill Bobby Lambert. That I'm an innocent black man that is being murdered. This is a lynching that is happening in America tonight. There's overwhelming and compelling evidence of my defense that has never been heard in any court of America. What is happening here is an outrage for any civilized country to anybody anywhere to look at what's happening here is wrong.
I thank all of the people that have rallied to my cause. They've been standing in support of me. Who have finished with me.
I say to Mr. Lambert's family, I did not kill Bobby Lambert. You are pursuing the execution of an innocent man.

Last statement:
Yes, I do. I thank the Lord for giving me my friends, for getting me the ones I love. Lord reach down and help innocent men on death row (lists names). I said I was going to tell a joke. Death has set me free. That's the biggest joke, I deserve this. And the other joke is I am not Patrick Bryan Knight, and ya'll can't stop this execution now. Go ahead, I'm finished. Come on, tell me Lord. I love you Melyssa, take care of that little monster for me.

Last statement:
Yes, I do. First of all, I want you to understand I speak the truth when I say I didn’t kill your kids. Honestly I have not killed anyone. I wish you could get the rage from your hearts and you could see the truth and get rid of the hatred.
I love you all – (names of children) – Corey, Steve (garbled) – This is very important. I love ya’ll and I miss ya’ll. O.K., now I’m finished.

Last Statement:
I want to say God forgives as I forgive. God is the greatest. Thank you.

Last statement: (a part of)
I’m not ready to go, but I have no choice; I sent several letters to my family; they’ll be very moving when you get them. I want to say goodbye again to my boys. I know I’m missing somebody, but if there’s anything I have left to say, it would be that I wish I had a Shakespearean vocabulary, but since I was raised in TDC, I missed out on some of my vocabulary.
If my words can persuade you to discontinue this practice of executing people, please do so. If the citizens don’t do away with the death penalty, Texas won’t be a safe place to be. I have no revenge because hate won’t solve anything.

Last statement:
I am innocent, innocent, innocent. Make no mistake about this; I owe society nothing. Continue the struggle for human rights, helping those who are innocent, especially Mr. Graham. I am an innocent man, and something very wrong is taking place tonight. May God bless you all. I am ready.

Last statement:
Yes sir, Warden Okay I've been hanging around this popsicle stand way too long. Before I leave, I want to tell you all. When I die, bury me deep, lay two speakers at my feet, put some headphones on my head and rock and roll me when I'm dead. I'll see you in Heaven someday. That's all Warden.

Last Statement:
Statement to what. State What. I am not guilty of the charge of capital murder. Steal me and my family's money. My truth will always be my truth. There is no kin and no friend; no fear what you do to me. No kin to you undertaker. Murderer. [Portion of statement omitted due to profanity] Get my money. Give me my rights. Give me my rights. Give me my rights. Give me my life back.

Last Statement:
I would like for Rosalyn's family and loved ones and my wife, Mary's, family to know that I am genuinely sorry for what I did. I would like you to reach down in your hearts and forgive me. There is no excuse for what I did. Rosalyn's mother asked me at the trial, "Why?" and I do not have a good reason for it. Please forgive me. As for my friends and family here - thanks for sticking with me and know that I love you and will take part of you with me. I would like to thank one of the arresting officers that I would have killed if I could have. He gave me CPR, saved my life, and gave me a chance to get my life right. I know I will see Mary and Rosalyn tonight. I love you all.

Last Statement:
I love you, Mom. Goodbye.

love story ??

I don't think I can ever forget that particular day when I fell of my bicycle, it was the first time I brought down some one else with me. She still does not know why she wanted to accompany me to the shop that day. I think I was 14 and she was probably 10 and I was taking a vacation at her place. Once we fell all I wanted to do was ask her not to tell her parents or her sisters; she promised me she wouldn't.

She walked in to her house crying.

I rarely saw her or talked to her again for probably the next 8 years, mostly because I was always away studying from hostels and partly for a while because I was angry she complained. The next time I spoke to her I had already started to work. She was with her parents at my apartment that I shared with my friend. We never spoke to each other then I think. She still remembers that poster of 'Aishwariya Rai' that decorated my closet then.

She very recently told me why she was laughing all the while that day.

It must have been at least an year before I spoke to her again, we actually spoke a few times and one fine day she was crying to me for some reason she did not want to tell me. I was happy not because she was crying but because I thought she took me in to confidence. I gave her a few books and a Clint Eastwood movie collection a few days afterward.

Again very recently she told me she was already crying when I called her over a petty quarrel with her best friend and it had nothing to do with taking me in to confidence or what ever.

Girls (women?) came and left my life all the while; good friends, very good friends, silent admirers, very vocal haters, one girl I loved and one girl who loved me, to cut a very long story short.
Two more years passed before I talked to her again, this time I was at her house for something about her sister's marriage.

She suggested me to get a haircut and a good shave.

Two years of my mother asking me to get married, her parents pushing me a little, and some weird things had me almost getting married to her elder sister; at least that was what I thought for a whole night. To my own disbelief I attended her elder sister's marriage, though a little flustered. That was when I saw her standing a little away from her elder sister, obviously uncomfortable with the crowd, the cameras and lighting. For a moment it was like one of those 80s movies, everything else was blurry, and she was at the centre of the blur, bright and beautiful in a flowery yellow salwar.

For no reason I suddenly walked up to her to say something and all I could muster was the courage to say 'goodbye Maha', damn. That was probably the first time I called her by her name and probably the 10th time I had ever spoken to her and possibly my first word to her in 3 years.

That evening I told my mother I wanted to get married.

Everyone thinks I was always in love with her, stupid but it helps cover my weird story..

My long day

I don't wake up to my alarm; I wake up to the TV, one of my very sensitive room mates blares it on like he is stone deaf. Mumbling filth I wait because this guy who has to leave after 3 hours is using the washroom.

My pressed white shirt's gone, courtesy my another friend, I dust up some old shi(r)t. My shoes are missing because another one of my roomies uses it, but he is not mean, he only uses it on Fridays.

Nobody stays before the stop line at the traffic signal, women don't wear helmet but they sport gloves protecting their skin, precious. Some Greek period bike is always smoking in front me and the car exactly behind me has the loudest horn and the moron keeps using it. Just as the lights turn green, some retard invariably walks across, still talking on his/her mobile phone.

My bike begins to chuck-chuck very soon but there is a petrol station around. I stick on to end of the four bike long queue; an old man leap frogs us to the beginning of the queue, wow. The guy who fills air keeps spitting all around him even as he goes around the car in front of me, I don't fill air. He is better, because there are guys who stick their heads out of moving vehicles to spit.

At least one dumb guy is crossing the road looking exactly away from the one way road; my horn doesn't turn him an inch. At the peak hours, at least one vehicle has an 'L' board on it and he/she drives just like it’s his/her first time.

I get no help at work but there is always help inside the conference hall and only when someone is questioning my approach. I take half an hour off work to service my friend's mobile, and the girl at the service center spends 10 minutes on her mobile before she entertains me, still on her phone.

At lunch, people jump queues at the hand wash, precious few seconds I guess. The guy exactly in front of me licks his hand clean to finish his lunch. A little away from the hotel, men stand peeing; I guess that happens with every first wall they come across when they have to pee.

At the ATM on the way there is a small queue, there are two people inside beside a placard that requests people to use ATMs alone, this guy is actually teaching her to use the ATM, while 5 of us wait outside.

The next in the queue are these two girls who start to open their hand bags inside the ATM, after a minute of frantic searching one of them finds her card, she double checks her balance before withdrawing money and neatly placing it inside her bag, she takes her time to keep the card back in to her bag and has a look at the mirror inside the bag; the process exactly repeats with the other girl. And that is the longest sentence I have ever written.

I am back to work and luckily nothing eventual happens before I leave. Its dark and almost all vehicles in front of me are using their lights on high beam, isn’t that one of the lessons at the driving school, I don't know because I did little for my driving license. There is at least one unmanned junction that has four cars perpendicular to each other and honking bringing to halt traffic from all four directions.

By the time I reach my house, there are not many hotels open and I eat at a place and pay a bill my father would probably call 'audacious'.

I somehow manage to finish my long day and get to bed only to find my friend beside me snoring!!

A new year

Of all the last eight New Year celebrations, 2009 was probably my most sober. I drank a lot lesser than all the last eight New Year eves. I did not dance high, did not hit a pub and I smoked even less.

May be having to work the next day was probably one reason, just one reason.

May be I think I should not have seen that man who counted eight 10 rupee bills very carefully to get the cake his two beautiful daughters wanted and just as I threw half a piece of cake away. May be I should not have noticed he was barefooted.

May be that guy in tatters, eating from a trashcan in front of the bakery told me something.

May be not one of my good friends planning the evening with me had something to do with it.

May be wanting to sound less inebriated to my lovely sister I haven't seen in over a year had it stakes.

May be to be engaged and to lie about my drinking every time has had its effect.

May be I should have not read about that binge-drinking-leads-to-brain-damage article just a few days before.

or May be the stupid thought of 'if I don't do it today I don’t do it the whole year' passed by my head too.

Whatever the heck it was, I feel good today..
-01.01.2009