Hail Mary

Maha was seven, when her mom had left her dad and their children, unhappy with her husband. She was 16 when her dad married again, this time someone young enough to be her sister. She was 17 when she was pulled out of school and was married off to her step mother's brother, fifteen years her senior. She was 27 when she saw her mother again. She is now a mother of 2 children, the daughter has just started college and the son is in a middle school.

Today the doctors had told her only physiotherapy would help her husband anymore, she was crying.

When she had started to talk I tried searching for words, with not much getting my way, all I did was to look at her, until she finished and leaned on to a cot sobbing.

I must have spoken to her twice before when I had seen her with my mom, probably thrice but not more than that, I was surprised she was crying to me today, this was different, very different from any other pair of eyes that ever cried with me; for one thing she is 35 years old.

I met Maha at a hospital; her husband was in the intensive care after an accident at his workplace, a gas station. I had seen her husband in his bed before, old, tired and gaunt he is everything he should not be. The accident had ruptured his spine and left his legs and hands immobile for now although the doctors have assured better days.

In the one month I saw her at the hospital, her mom was her only constant visitor; her husband's four brothers were at the hospital for a whole five minutes once and her family never came not even her father.

Maha works as an accountant in some small company that pays her Rs.5000 pm, that’s of course as much your high school education can give you in a bustling metro. For now she travels 45 kms every day from the hospital to her workplace and back while her mother takes care of her husband during the day. Her mother also takes care of her children during the nights but she is keen on leaving home.

Though sober most of the time, I have also seen Maha laugh, she is always happy with her children around. The two children visit during the weekends, the younger one is too small to understand much, he spends most of his time playing on his mother’s mobile phone and the daughter is older but can only helplessly sit beside her mother holding her hands.

Today the doctors had told her only physiotherapy would help her husband anymore, she was crying and not just for her husband. Now that he would be discharged, Maha is scared to leave the hospital because when she does, she would have two children to feed, an immobile husband to take care of, a day job that doesn’t pay much, an almost empty bank account and no one to cry to.

She leaned on to a cot sobbing.

It was abrupt when she left as the physiotherapist was attending to her husband, I was relieved, not because she left but because the physiotherapist is actually funny to be with.

That night when I left the hospital at around 10.00 pm, I saw her kneeling in front of a wooden bench with her eyes closed. She was clutching firmly to a copy of the Bible in front of the bench on which a figurine of Virgin Mary holding infant Jesus stood still.

Nuts.

Around the 3rd week of December 2006.

Evening classes aren't always fun after a day's work, especially on those days when your patience limits are knowingly tested countless times. Again it is not your usual classroom, where people are around your age, take a year or give two. My class room has people so old we actually stood up upon their entry the first day. Evening classes aren't fun; I go because I need some attendance registered to have my exams written.

It was one of those days when we had just been to a new semester and of course my manager had sat on my nerve through the day. There was this new girl in my class, in a black salwar, mid 20s was my guess. I learnt she was from the previous batch, after a year's break from college.

I noticed her, not only because I let my eyes wade through the class room to keep myself from drowsing, but the fat girl was standing up for every little thing. Nuts! She had doubts on almost every line, nuts! She was pulling the classes long, the lecturer was getting impatient, soon it was time to leave and the girl was still in conversation with the lecturer.

It never got better, whenever she was in the class, even in the midst of an almost audible boo and a blatant sigh from the lecturer she dragged with her doubts and the after class discussion; our classes usually end at 09.15 pm. Nuts..


Around mid 2000.

Sheth was at college doing his diploma, specializing in Computer sciences when he first saw Maha, well may be he heard about her first. Maha was a sensation at her college, she sang, she danced, she lectured, she was vociferous on stage, she topped the class, period, she was beautiful.

For obvious reasons she made little but very close friends and for every one else, including Sheth, she was another arrogant BITCH. Maha didn't seem to mind, her exploits continued, to the last day.

Sheth had to struggle finding a job when he left college, the IT industry hadn't grown then. When he finally had a job with a firm, he found Maha had been working there for almost a year then. Sheth had to work under her.

Soon Sheth found out Maha wasn't what he had thought she was, she helped him accustom to the job, stayed late to sort his problems, was always backing him when relegated. He liked her, She protected him like a big sister; he enjoyed the cuddle, albeit to a few people's envy, until that morning when she passed out.

Maha was diagnosed with a form of epilepsy that would soon rake her brains out of what ever it stored. After a week when Sheth met her, she didn’t seem to recognize him she was scared and he had to constantly remind her that he was her colleague.


November 2007.

I could only smile as Sheth finished telling us the story of Maha.

Sheth soon changed jobs; Maha was a little better but was never her original self again. Sheth said she still sang beautifully but a year at the hospital had destroyed her once lean physique, hampered her memory, her face.. I stopped him from saying anymore.

In a while the class started, Maha was shooting her doubts already, the boos and the sighs started and only the two rows around Sheth were silent. Nuts..

Mary Ebenezer

The frail old man on the next bed passed away despite the last-ditch efforts of at least four doctors and even more nurses. It was hall 201, the emergency ward, Government General Hospital. By the evening my cousin was transferred to 111, the Male ward. We had to shift him on a wheel chair, the attendant who helped us shift smiled only after I was poorer by 50 rupees. When he left I realized, I was standing beside a board that read "Bribery is a crime, please report acts of bribery to ..”

The next day morning, the doctor on duty prescribed a flurry of tests which included blood tests at three different places, a cranial CT scan and a bladder scan. The blood tests took a lot of time, there were at least 25 people at each counter, and I was almost alone amongst the mostly female queue, each of them holding at least two tubes of brick red blood.

When I reached the counter for the CT scan, the man at the counter was deep asleep on his PC's black keyboard. At least 10 minutes passed before he woke up with a yawn and asked me check out the timings for the scan with the lab. The lab is the last room inside a building that resembles a haunted house, with hanging wires, battered walls and a half lit verandah, I could hear my heart beat every time I walked to the lab alone.

A middle aged woman was lying on the floor in a night gown in front of the lab; another woman sat crouching on the floor beside her. A dark Lab attendant was howling “If you talk rules once again, you will never have your scan done". The crouching woman mumbled she had been waiting for over an hour beside her sister who needed a pelvic CT scan. A younger woman was holding a few months old child in her hands, the child's head was completely dressed on one side. Two more middle aged women sat with their teen aged children. We were asked to be at the Lab at 07.30pm that evening.

The next day morning, the post graduate student-duty doctor wanted the CT scan results, but the results were only to be available in the evening. My brother was refused the report by the same dark attendant. Armed with a written request from the doctor he went to the lab again for the scan and the reports, this time he was offered both but the report was priced at 100 rupees. When he came back he only had the scan in hand.

I was sleeping on a chair that night because my brother was with my cousin, somewhere through the night a soft pair of hands woke me up. It was the nurse on duty and I wasn't supposed to be on the visitor’s chair in the nights. Through the nights not more than one individual is allowed to attend to the patients, But Mary Ebenezer allowed me sleep inside the ward that night. Again we were alone with only women; most of them middle aged, attending to the patients, some of them stayed awake through out the night.

On the fourth day my cousin had uninterrupted attention of at least 5 doctors and 15 doctors to be. It was the Pharmacology practical examination for the final year students. Most of the patients were immobile, gaunt and almost giving me a nausea. An hour of staying beside my cousin had the better of me, I was soon talking to a few of the frail old men. Every time a 'doctor to be' was beside I had to answer a pile load of questions while he/she filled 4 to 5 sheets of paper. The doctors were almost indifferent to the patients whilst they examined the 'cases' and evaluated the students.

On the fifth day an older man beside my cousin's bed passed away, it was a lot better I thought because he needed tubes for almost everything. His wife, who had earlier stopped her son from donating blood to his own father with a stone face, was now in tears and noise. She paused for a moment, when she saw me smiling at her, before continuing with her wail.

On the sixth day my cousin was discharged from the hospital as his legs had found some movement and more importantly there was a dearth of the available beds. I wished our neighbors a fast recovery and as I was leaving, I saw the ever smiling Ebenezer walk inside the ward for her night shift. For some reason I said "See you Madam".

"Don't ever say 'see you' when you leave a hospital, always say goodbye, Now good bye, I have people to look after" she retorted.

Before I could bid her bye she was already walking away trying to silence the noise inside the ward. For the first time in almost a week I had a smile on my face.

A Dark Positive

For me this incident will always remain etched in my heart not just because it had a female playing the lead role as always.It happened when My Mom was admitted for a stroke last december at chennai.

This fine day there was very little to talk to my mother and then I had nothing to do, but roll my eyes around the ward. As my eyes went around, the third bed (My mom was on the first) I thought was unusually neat as the occupant sat on one corner looking at me and my Mom.I had seen the girl , young, in her teens, unusually thin, the bones very pronouncing and with a face that I was sure had been beautiful once. I hadn't bothered to ask my Mom about her since it isn't very strange for someone to be like her in a hospital.

Today I was curious and I asked my mom why she was in the Hospital. My Mom very casually said she had been tested positive for HIV. I thought something struck me hard on my chest. I felt a shiver run down even as I remembered that was the first time I had seen someone with HIV.I was scared to see her anymore and I sat with my back towards her.

She must have been smiling at my Mom because I saw my Mom smile towards her. Still Panic-stricken I somehow managed to look back only to see one of the most beautiful smiles I had ever seen.She stood up and walked up to my Moma's bed but stopped a little away. My Mother asked me to give her some biscuits, My face must have shown her I was scared, for she called the girl to the bed and gave her some biscuits herself. She almost grabbed the biscuits even as my Mom was telling her who I was, she only smiled at me. Mom said it was the last stages and she didn't have many days left. I too tried to smile but somehow I knew I was putting up a wretched face for I was trying to imagine how it is like to know, you only have a few days left on earth.

I lost my sleep that night but the next day I managed to give her something myself and I was almost lost when she smiled back. I also saw her father the same day who looked almost like her but for his unkempt hair and face.The next four days were the same for me in the hospital, I give her something, she flashes a smile, my mom talks with her something and she keeps smiling all through it. My Mom told me she never slept in the nights, she would simply lie down and look at the ceiling all through the night even as tears ran down her cheeks. How I wished I was capable of giving her more than just biscuits.

Next day I really was waiting for the evening to come and I even got her a small teddy. I was surprised when I saw the neatly laid but empty bed. I looked around too see if she was somewhere but only in vain. I felt my Mother's eyes were wet when she said the girl was discharged as the doctors had lost all hope and medicine was useless anymore. She would at the most see the next fortnite.
It started to choke as I felt a familiar shudder rock my body. It was sometime before I was very sure where I kept my leg. I was confused and I did not know what I was supposed to be doing. I walked awkwardly towards the bed, sat there for sometime even as my mother was looking at me surprised. I left the packed teddy on the bed and moved towards my mother. Tears filled up my eyes even as I remembered I had not spoken a word to her and neither had she.... I did not even know her name..

and to this day I am still wondering why a very weak word like 'hope' is used so synonymously with life.