Smile.

My brother had called me up early that morning with the news and I prayed it was just a dream.

I have known Rajiv and his family from the time I started to remember things. We went to the same school just like my father and his father (Raghunathan sir) had in 1950s. Their family was always happy and laughing, like my mother once said, I think they even laughed in their sleep. Not that they had no problems, somehow they managed to keep smiling and made people smile.

I remember the days when his father, my father and one of their colleagues (Selvam sir) came together for a silent drink in our back yard only to get noisy after sometime. I remember when my father had a stroke in 1991, Rajiv’s family had prayed for him. When he recovered we had taken a procession to the church. I remember the times when our families were not in good terms and Raghunathan sir and Selvam sir still found the way to our backyard. My father still remembers the tiny frock he got for Raghunathan sir's daughter (she is now a mother of three children with the eldest one going to college).

It was a Sunday morning when my brother had called me up and I was not very convinced that someone I had known so well could die; Raghunathan sir was no more. I left for my good old hometown and even as I was reaching their house the place wore a festive look with crackers, music and wait, was it not supposed to be a funeral? It was a funeral and in Tamil Nadu funerals are held this way.

Raghunathan Sir still carried the smile on his face, only he was in a freezer box draped in a white shirt and dark pants. I placed the flowers I had gotten for him and if not for the crowd I would have said "Morning sir" and smiled at him as always.

For the first time in my life I saw Rajiv cry, his sisters and his mother cry. I did not say a word to Rajiv, for I did know what I was supposed to say at a funeral, this was my first. His mother hugged me with her big hands and said "Look at Daddy, can't take the smile of his face, can you? Wake him up, he's been sleeping for long", my eyes were wet, when I walked away after sometime.

My father was crying, Selvam sir was, my mother was, my brothers were, my grandma was and the whole place was. Only Raghunathan sir's seven-year-old granddaughter was running around laughing with my brother's son. They both attend the same school like their grandpas did 50 years before. When my brother and his friends, who are closer to Rajiv than I am, came in with a garland that needed two men to carry it, they were dancing like mad men. When they reached sir they did not move for a very long time, when they did, they were crying and like kids. I had not known if my brother and his friends could cry.

It was time for the procession and I helped pull the cart that carried Sir a distance I would have frowned to cycle. After the rituals were over at the cemetery, it was time to place sir inside the coffin. I held sir in my hands, his body was very cold because of the freezer box but was he dead? I don’t know but in my hands he was so much alive. May he was just sleeping, may be he was even breathing, I wanted to feel his pulse, I wanted to feel his breath and all I did was to help him inside the coffin.

Sir was still smiling when his thick glasses were removed and I was asked to loosen up his shirt. Rajiv and sir's grandsons were crying unconsolably even as the coffin was being closed. I saw sir, I saw them close the coffin and I cried.

My brothers friends were there in Rajiv's house when I went there the next day. After a cup of cofee when I left Rajiv was forcing a smile at me.
May be he will smile in a few days.

Passed .. out

Me: hello?
Voice over the phone: (a female) is this Mr. Kumar? (huh!! not another credit card !!!)
Me: ya, tell me.
Voice over phone: We are calling from (some MNC) Hyderabad; Remember I had called you yesterday Mr. Kumar? Are you ready to take your interview Mr kumar?
Me: (shit!!) of course ya, I mean yes ma.. Madam
Vop: Kindly hold on for a moment, Mr. Kumar, (some music played)
Me: (I was breathing like I had asthma! ran to the 'C' programming book that was on my table)
Vop: Mr. Kumar?
Me: Yes sir,
Vop: I am (some name) and also here with me there is Mr (some other name), can we proceed on Mr. Kumar?
Me: Yes Mr mm???(My!! what was his name?), i mean err.. Yes sir
Vop: All right, what is your current profile like Mr. Kumar?
Me: Sir actually My company is an organization working on.. (I went on blah blah, must have been impressed he he)
Vop: what exactly do you do?
Me: Sir I am a design Engineer,
Vop: Software or hardware?
Me: I the.. I do both.. I do the coding, the hardware design
Vop: so there are no team members?
Me: Yes, I mean No, there are
Vop: what do they do?
Me: both software and hardware..
Vop: and you?
Me: (blink blink!!)
Vop: that’s fine Mr. Kumar, before moving on.. How much do you think you can rate yourself in 'c' out of 10?
Me: (bah..) sir may be 5 , 6 , I think 7 sir
Vop: that is interesting Mr. Kumar, can we proceed?
Me: YES sir (confidence!! you see)
Vop: All right tell me what is the difference between a structure and an union?
Me: memory allotted for an instance of an Union would be only the.. Blah blah (and the answer was correct, I told you 7 didn’t I?)
Vop: good Mr. Kumar (thank u).. Okay, what is a void pointer?
Me: (rush the pages on the book.. where the hec.. ahh! time is running)
Vop: Mr. Kumar? Are you with us?
Me: ye..s sir(where the hell?) i mean.. a void poi
Vop: can we go to the next question?
Me: (page not found!!!) a void pointer points to Null (please don’t ask me what is null)
Vop: mmm... So what is a null pointer?
Me: f**k !! (Did i say the 'f' word?) Oh shit!! (Great! i also said the 's' word), i am sorry sir ... I mean
Vop: (could hear them laughing, I was thinking of cutting the call), its okay Mr. Kumar..
Me: sir.. Vop: do you know Telugu by any chance?
Me: (breathe easy ooh..): I think I can talk a little Sir..
Vop: Äh+îQ_+ÄAƒ±»_+îD_+æEîm+6+_à-¦*&$# (something in telugu)
Me: Sir?
Vop: Äh+îQ_+ÄAƒ±»_+îD_+æEîm+6+_à-¦*&$# (the same thing in telugu)
Me: (silence, goodness me technical was better!)
Vop: That’s okay Mr Kumar, ha ha.. Telugu is not a prerequisite (a**), it was just to cool you down okay tell me, what does Malloc do?
Me: (some thing I know at last) The function allots memory dynamically.. During the run time..(Blah blah.. wow)
Vop: good, so what is the difference between 'C'alloc and 'M'alloc?
Me: (its over dear! I didn't want to open the book)
Vop: Mr. Kumar?..................... Me: yes sir 'C'alloc is ..er.. I don’t know.
Vop: Okay Mr. Kumar, what the difference between pointer to an array and an array of pointers..
Me: (I knew the answer and I do not know why, but I remained silent)
Vop: Mr. Kumar.. ................... Me: Yes sir
Vop: all right we will move on, how much can you rate yourself in C++?
Me: Sir, can we stop here?
Vop: fine Mr. Kumar, we will stop here and nice talking to you all this time, we will get back to you very soon.
Me: fuc..
Vop: yes Mr. Kumar
Me: Nice talking to you too sir..

Its been two years since ...!!!

One..

19.11.1982 0532 hrs,
Place: Christian medical college hospital Vellore, Kamala Nehru ward.
I was born after a cesarean. I was christened Kumar.

Some time during the early 1982,
Place: An obscure village in the Vellore Dist, Tamil Nadu
My Father's brother had a Baby boy. They called my brother Arul.

1985 July
I went to school; I don't know what Arul was doing then.

1985-1993
Every year during the summer I went to the village. And every time I went, I carried some old clothes for Arul. In turn I had the taste of the village life, running around with him to steal mangoes, to swim (although I never learnt), to fish, to..

1993 June 5
I was sent to a Residential Public School today. When I had been to the village this summer, Arul wasn't available for play; I spoke to him while he sat rolling beedis (cheap cigarettes).

1994-2000
By now I was rarely going to the village as I spent most part of the year at school, although Arul came to see me whenever I went home. We were both growing up and I always was a little taller than him but somehow he looked bigger than me.

1998 May
I had my 10th standard results, I was in the village and Arul had been sent of to work at a leather factory. I made 84%.

2000 May
I had my 12th standard and my services selection board interview results. Arul was back from the factory; he again took to rolling beedis. He had worked 12-hour shifts for a meager pay and had to almost runaway from the factory. I made 64% in my higher secondary exams and failed to clear the interview.

2000 August
I joined a college in Bangalore paying up. Arul now had learned to roll enough beedis to pay up some debts of his father.

2001 August, I don’t know the date
Arul married a beautiful young girl from the nearby village, chosen by his father, a drunkard. She was very young and looked no more than 16, my sister told me because I had stopped going to the village. I had learnt to smoke, drink and flirt.

2002 March 3
I proposed a Christian girl from another state. Around the same time Arul had a baby girl and the baby was beautiful my sister told me.

2003 February
I was placed in a private firm in one of the campus interviews. Arul had another baby girl around the same time.

2005 May 7
The last time I saw my girl friend. Arul had a third girl, his parents were supposedly unhappy with Arul's wife not giving a male heir to the family, Arul stood by his wife, but things weren't smooth in the family. Arul was sending his eldest girl to an English school.

2006 March 3
I was celebrating the day I had proposed before four years, drunk inside a bar. Arul's wife and all their three children were found drowned and dead inside a well even as Arul was playing cricket with his friends. Arul was beaten up by his wife's relatives and handed over to the police.

2006 May 7, My house 1100hrs
I was looking at the newspaper clipping that carried a photo of Arul’s wife and children lying young, innocent and dead when Arul had come to my house. He was on bail. Bearded and gaunt, for the first time he looked smaller and older than me. He kept telling me he was innocent and his baby was beautiful. I could say nothing to him, I cried with him.

2006 June 1, 1230 hrs.
I am writing a cold blog about Arul. Arul probably is in the court to mark his presence in a register, as he is supposed to every alternate day at 1230hrs.